Jacko

Party People,


Happy 4th of July! Since I clearly have no life, I decided to post a new blog on the anniversary of our nation's auspicious and fruitful genesis. As I write this, the president decided to spam me again. Darn it Barack! Leave well enough alone sir. We're all on your side, mostly. Sorry about that whole Ben Gordon thing. You can have Rip if you want? Mmmmm? The mask adds major points for entertainment value.

Just as long as Francis Scott Key doesn't start spamming me I should be able to maintain my wits. Keep my wits about me, and keep your mitts off of me; you're meat hooks.


Pyrotechnics, aka fireworks, are not only how we celebrate our nation's life span. They also nearly took the life of Jacko. I'm going to refer to him as Jacko for the duration of this blog. I think it was something similar to what happened to James Hetfield, like magnesium powder or something, that burns at and incredibly high temperature and is not human skin friendly. How rude. So, when you're shooting off that roman candle, or getting drunk and throwing M-80's at each other, think of poor Jacko and his melty skin. I feel less sympathy for Hetfield, especially after watching that Metallica documentary.


I wonder if that accident contributed to Jacko's ever changing skin pigmentation issue. His skin was like a fading picture, gradually loosing color. Jacko claimed this "undarkening" was due to a genetic disorder, Vitiligo. I suppose I've seen that before, just kind of odd that this strange man had such a rare condition. Ah well, you can be my brother, it don't matter if you're black or white. I think I was born with a rare condition, reverse Vitiligo. So, I believe I will die a black man.


It's times like these when I'm reminded of the Aussie boy band sensation Silverchair. Their picture is attached. Remember these foolios? See, there were many Silverchair apologists out there who would say things, such as:

"Well, their music isn't that great but, they are like 10 years old. So, you know, for 10 year olds, they play some pretty decent grunge music."

end quote

My thought is, hmmmm, maybe there's a reason why more bands comprised of 1o year olds playing grunge don't exist; roughly because they suck nards. The Australian government actually gives bands grants to by equipment and tour, etc. Do you think they asked Silverchair for their cash back when they heard their tunes? It is a nice idea though; but this was clearly an example of when public funding goes haywire.


Now Jacko, that lil' feller clearly HIT THE GROUND RUNNING; not like these Aussie schmucks. The boy came out of the gates swingin' for the fences, with the skills to hit the rock out of the park. The boy sang and danced liked his freaking little life depended on it; with a smile for days. Look at that picture I posted. AHHHHHHHHHHHh, come here lil Jacko! Does Jacko want a cookie? Oh wow, I sound like a willing participant in pederasty. I promise, their is nothing erotic about my attraction to young Jacko. Come here! I wanna pinch your cheek, you little PYT!


This is how I choose to remember Jacko; young, black, cute, full of piss and vinegar/moxy. Not an old, white pilled-out billy toucher.


So, on this glorious of holidays, lets take a moment to reflect on our good feelings about young Jacko, and our disdain for the circus living freak he became. Can you imagine what it would be like to grow up the child of Jacko? Creepy. And that brings up another thing, those kids are blonder and white than me, for christ sake. I know Jacko turned into a old white woman, but I think, genetically speaking, he was still black forsho, right? Does Vitiligo change DNA structure? I think not. Clearly those kids are not his in any genetic sense. But, I don't think old white ladies were his style, thus his inability to procreate.

I truly believe Jacko is in a better place right now. My spiritual advisor, Swoobaca, would say that our energies live on and take various forms over time. Hopefully Jacko's energy will encounter a happier circumstance the next time around. For his sake, maybe a less chameleon-esque life span? Madonna made re-invention cool, whereas Jacko made it mind-bogglingly creepy. Groin grabblingly so.

I think it's possible that Madonna may be the only 80's mega star to maintain her fame sans major scandal. Ahh, the 80's, what a wild time. The beginning and end of the naivety of the masses. A time when I superstar could become white and no one would bat an eye. I think Jacko becoming a white billy toucher and Madonna turning into a massive skank ended that era.


Although, I suppose the Boss has maintained his cred, sans weirdness. The same could not be said for Jacko, or Mike Tyson or Eddie Murphy for certain.


I'll miss Jacko, much like I miss the feelings and innocence of my youth. RIP, my young black friend.



Jaybird

PS can we put that whole Billie Jean deal to rest? WE BELIEVE YOU JACKO, she just a girl!